Disjointed ramble

Well, when I saw the psychiatrist on Thursday I finally used up my allotted 30 minutes for the first time in a long while.   However, most of it was spent talking about other things and filling him in, talking so fast that his head was probably still spinning hours later.  It wasn’t that I was excitable or anything, I was just trying to fill him in quickly on everything.  Thursdays are my appointment days, so…it begins to feel like business transactions: go in, get it done fast, move on to the next appointment/chore.  I mentioned that my therapist thought I was depressed but I think she’s incorrect.  I mentioned that toward the last five minutes and brushed it off.

H had a therapy session.  All I know is that it was difficult for her, and then later that night, she finally did self-harm (though she compromised on where and how much, and it was nothing that warranted medical attention).

Meanwhile, I’m having a rare 3 weeks of no physical therapy (my appointments are now bi-weekly, but it was cancelled this past week due to something not on my end, so in stead of seeing a stranger for one session and having to explain everything for half the appointment, I just said I’d see my usual physical therapist at my next appointment.)  So I’m trying to do the best I can over here in regards to following exercises and listening to my body.

I’m also trying to be a lot better about eating and also making sure I get up and move, even just a walk down the hallway, at least once an hour.

On Friday I met with the ENT my family goes to to discuss allergy testing….and I am really unsure about it all.

I mean, I constantly ask people whether I’m dying or whether I’m randomly developing an allergic reaction to things I’ve touched or ingested many times before, so imagine when I’m in a position where I could actually really have an allergic reaction.  I’d be freaking out the whole 1 1/2 to 2 hours.  Not to mention that they are now recommending (as opposed to what they told me last year) for me to have weekly injections if I need shots.  Well, everything is crammed into Thursdays because someone is available to drive me that day of the week to appointments, and I really cannot cram any more in.  So I can’t get there weekly.  Also….needle phobia big time over here.  The last time someone stuck me with a needle of any kind for anything (except dentistry) was 2011.  Also, after each shot (if I even made it that far!) I’d be waiting in the office the amount of time to make sure you aren’t having a reaction before you’re allowed to leave, and I’d be convinced I was having one.  On the flip side, what if I actually had a reaction and they thought it was all psychological and didn’t help me?


About healandsurvive

27 years old with an Associates Degree in social sciences. Diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, OCD, anxiety. I also have been diagnosed with Vestibular Migraines and my everyday balance has taken a big hit, and I am basically off-balance and some level of dizzy 98% of the time. I enjoy painting, writing, acting, singing, reading, collaging, journaling; basically anything creative.
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