I very rarely hear my alters. Even if I do, it’s usually so quick that I can’t decipher what’s been said. Sometimes I catch what they’re saying. But usually it’s a kind of static silence.
So imagine my surprise when, after 11 p.m. last night, I felt distant and weird, and then I actually heard an alter telling another one that they were not allowed to do something.
I had a huge headache. I remember saying both of the arguing alters’ names, and asking them to please stop because I was in pain and exhausted and wanted to sleep.
I was afraid to look in the mirror because I thought for sure I’d see one of them instead of my own face.
To even say their names out loud is new-ish for me. Maybe it’s a step forward? I don’t know.
I found myself so unprepared and ill equipped to deal with the situation. I don’t know what to do when it occurs. It’s a helpless and frightening feeling for me.
All I could do was lie down and let it happen.
Nothing bad appears to have happened.
I emailed my therapist today to fill her in on the event. I’m sure she will find it holds some significance.