I very rarely hear my alters.  Even if I do, it’s usually so quick that I can’t decipher what’s been said.  Sometimes I catch what they’re saying.  But usually it’s a kind of static silence.

So imagine my surprise when, after 11 p.m. last night, I felt distant and weird, and then I actually heard an alter telling another one that they were not allowed to do something.

I had a huge headache.  I remember saying both of the arguing alters’ names, and asking them to please stop because I was in pain and exhausted and wanted to sleep.

I was afraid to look in the mirror because I thought for sure I’d see one of them instead of my own face.

To even say their names out loud is new-ish for me.  Maybe it’s a step forward?  I don’t know.

I found myself so unprepared and ill equipped to deal with the situation.  I don’t know what to do when it occurs.  It’s a helpless and frightening feeling for me.

All I could do was lie down and let it happen.

Nothing bad appears to have happened.

I emailed my therapist today to fill her in on the event.  I’m sure she will find it holds some significance.


About healandsurvive

27 years old with an Associates Degree in social sciences. Diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, OCD, anxiety. I also have been diagnosed with Vestibular Migraines and my everyday balance has taken a big hit, and I am basically off-balance and some level of dizzy 98% of the time. I enjoy painting, writing, acting, singing, reading, collaging, journaling; basically anything creative.
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