Snippet

I very rarely hear my alters.  Even if I do, it’s usually so quick that I can’t decipher what’s been said.  Sometimes I catch what they’re saying.  But usually it’s a kind of static silence.

So imagine my surprise when, after 11 p.m. last night, I felt distant and weird, and then I actually heard an alter telling another one that they were not allowed to do something.

I had a huge headache.  I remember saying both of the arguing alters’ names, and asking them to please stop because I was in pain and exhausted and wanted to sleep.

I was afraid to look in the mirror because I thought for sure I’d see one of them instead of my own face.

To even say their names out loud is new-ish for me.  Maybe it’s a step forward?  I don’t know.

I found myself so unprepared and ill equipped to deal with the situation.  I don’t know what to do when it occurs.  It’s a helpless and frightening feeling for me.

All I could do was lie down and let it happen.

Nothing bad appears to have happened.

I emailed my therapist today to fill her in on the event.  I’m sure she will find it holds some significance.

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About healandsurvive

27 years old with an Associates Degree in social sciences. Diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, OCD, anxiety. I also have been diagnosed with Vestibular Migraines and my everyday balance has taken a big hit, and I am basically off-balance and some level of dizzy 98% of the time. I enjoy painting, writing, acting, singing, reading, collaging, journaling; basically anything creative.
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