In therapy, we’ve made some progress – twice now she has been able to say names of alters without me being sick or screaming at her to stop.
We are still attempting to negotiate how to increase communication and co-consciousness. The problem is the physical sensations that accompany sharing my body and watching from a distance, like behind myself, are highly uncomfortable; almost like free falling, but hanging suspended in a cold vacuum.
Also, I have concerns about “what if something goes wrong?” while attempting to increase co-consciousness. I worked very hard to get to where I am now in the standing in the community theatre group I am with, so I can’t afford any slip-ups (because people are allies and friends and okay with you having a mental illness until they see a symptom…so instead, most of them are really only okay with the idea of the disorder) that might undo all my progress.
So then my therapist suggests that maybe while I’m in a show, it’s not a good time to start working on co-consciousness. I point out that I am almost always involved in a show except for summers – so for example if a patient has a full-time job and can’t afford something messing up, what – would the work on co-consciousness just never get started until they were no longer working? That train of thought is confusing to me, because patients do have lives outside of therapy.