I had therapy yesterday, and as we were going over my timeline and she asked some clarifying questions toward my teenage years, and all of a sudden, wham, I was gone; only little snippets made their way back to wherever I was.
My activity tracker showed that my heart rate was fast (another good aspect of having one of these devices – it’s interesting to track physiological stuff when you know there’s been a switch, plus it shows the time without it actually being a watch).
When I got to the car, it was all I could take to stay awake. Thankfully a family member was driving (since due to the physical stuff going on with me, I still am unable to drive at all) because I was drained physically and mentally. I felt remnants of anger and had fleeting thoughts and memories that I assume belong predominately to the alter that had been out during the session. My feet were also very cold and my limbs felt detached. My brain was tingling. Slowly I began to feel more human. But I could still feel her lingering a bit.
When I got home, I had to shuffle to my front door with what felt like zombie legs. It was actually fairly reminiscent of how I felt after Electroconvulsive Therapy way back when. Minus feeling like an ax was buried in my brain this time. I was also feeling sadness for “no reason” – probably a bleed through of her emotion. And I was just…sitting there in my room.
Then I went to lie down in bed and just rest my body since I didn’t want to mess up my sleep patterns. When it was time to eat dinner, I almost fell asleep face-first into the food. I slept a good amount and fell asleep earlier than usual once it was around the regular time for me.
Switching can be so incredibly exhausting. Thankfully there was no rehearsal last night, because at that point I was in no shape to be giving direction.
I am still attempting to communicate through the designated journal.