I’m having trouble realizing how different my life is now compared to, say, a couple years ago.
I don’t know what to do with this new life. It feels like my life has been split down the middle: the first life was the mostly majorly ill life, and now it is this passive, floating, limbo life.
I almost feel as if any passion or desire or want for anything doesn’t exist within me because I don’t know who I am, what I am good at, or what I want out of life.
I guess I have to find some way to discover who I am now that I am not consumed by constant severe symptoms and not constantly in and out of hospitals, treatment, etc.
I just don’t know how to go about that, but I’d assume finding out who I am in the middle of all this, and these two seemingly different lives, would be the starting point to finding out in which direction to go in order to make my life feel meaningful.
The first life feels like it is too full of experiences to possibly fit into one lifetime. It’s exhausting to even think about. But I can’t disregard all of that; I do not suddenly have a “new life”. It has just…changed. I suppose it changed slowly, in small increments, while I didn’t even notice until this past year. Then it seemed to hit me just how different everything is now.