I didn’t realize just how much time had actually passed since my last entry. I spent 10 days in a place with very spotty service and no reliable Internet connection. I returned yesterday evening.
I managed to get some sketching and writing done. Really just for myself. Maybe it will go into my next poetry book. It’s about time I get started on finishing that one up. (I do not receive payment if someone purchases my books. I feel the need to specify that. And I think it’s good that I made it that way in the options, because do I feel like they’re worth being paid for? No. The site itself gets money from the purchase, but none comes to me.)
Had some moments of panic. Had some balance issues. Had one day of fairly persistent dissociation. Had some good moments. Saw some relatives.
I had my regular doctor appointment today. My general practitioner is lovely and knows I have (and have head for at least 7 years) a lot of health anxiety and somatic symptoms, so I usually see her every few months or so to have her check things or tell me what things are, etc. I am still having issues with feeling as though I can’t breathe, though she does not see a reason other than potentially my back pain and the muscle spasms that occur there. She does not think we need to do a whole bunch of tests.
It may be stress, it may be muscles, it may be my balance, it may be muscles messed up from how I sleep or how I sit in the car for the long rides i just recently sat through. It may be a whole combination of things. Today, in fact, I am almost immobilized by back and neck pain. Plus we have a storm, so a migraine is coming in.
My sleep has not been great. It must show, too, because today was the first time my doctor asked how my sleep has been.
The last time I had therapy, I don’t remember that session either. It’s the second time in a row now. I know I had apparently been crying. And I was exhausted.